2017 Was The Best Year For Me

We all have that one period in our lives that we regard is the best of them all. Be it your childhood, school years or university time, there's all that one period - if not year - that you'll do anything to get back. Maybe because your current situation is crap and everything is just getting tougher - which is the case as we grow into adulthood for the most of us. Exceptions exist, of course.

This was during our orientation, 2017

For me, if you ask me what's the best year I've ever had, I would answer - with absolute confidence - it's 2017, which is my first year in university as a Diploma in Mass Communication student. To be absolutely fair, my Diploma journey actually started quite close to the end of that year which was on the 17th of August, 2017. Regardless, it remained to be the best year I've had, now that I think about it, pondering upon in my sleepless nights. Allow me to elaborate.

I was just fresh out of high school, having completed my IGCSE the year before. I remembered as I walked onto the stage during our graduation ceremony, I was full of hopes. My eyes were loaded up with tears, unable to contain my joy that I've finally ended my school years, looking forward to the next phase of life. As I walked into the campus gate for the first time, I was full of aspiration and hope. I wanted to be an automotive writer, and that first footstep into the campus seemed like my dream would finally come true, having spent my years reading PaulTan and other automotive publication websites since 2012 and wanting to be "one of them" someday. I met a lot of new people and the university experience was a far cry compared to high school. For the first time, I have a social life outside my high school, although I was still close to my fellow juniors and batchmates at this stage.

But all of my hopes and dreams gradually became to deteriorate by the middle of 2018. For reasons that I couldn't explain, I begin failing subjects and by the time 2019 rolled along, my hopes and dreams that I once had in 2017 have all but gone down the drain. At this point, it wasn't about fulfilling my dream - it was about finishing the damn course. I contemplated dropping out several times, but I stuck on regardless, eventually getting to do my internship in January 2020.

That was of course... until the pandemic happened and we were throw into a lockdown in March. One that we successfully went through, enjoyed for a bit, and now we're back here again.

 

Anyway, I digress. The point I'm trying to make here is after 2017, everything has gradually gone down the hill. My mental health, even to this day, is a constant fluctuating mess and at the time of this writing, I've hit a new low several times. I guess having no source of income really do things to people, and several times I felt like calling it quits. Even right now, I'm still at lost with my future direction. Combine that with the fact that my relationship with my friends have gradually gone down the drain since 2019, it's hard for me to maintain a positive mindset in these trying times.

 

The other reason why I regard 2017 to be the best year is not only what I've had at the time, but I also believe that 2017 was the year where every decision I make counts. I believed that had I made decisions differently then, I would be on a much different path. One that may end with me not crumbling away like I am right now. Maybe I would have been able to finish my Diploma on time and secure a proper job and earn a nice, steady income for at least 12 months before the pandemic hits. Maybe I would have been able to afford a brand new car now. Of course, how would I supposed to know that a worldwide pandemic would break out then? But it was still on me, regardless, for making the choices I've made that led me where I am now.

 

Of course, all this regret means nothing now. I often apologise to my grandfather that his favourite grandson has turned out shit. But I am trying my best to pull out of it, and at the very least I can still be thankful that I still have a very few select people around me. I am still unstable, sure, but I am doing my best to be stronger and get back to form.

Maybe, just maybe, going down this path will be the right one. All that suffering would be worth it. It will take time, and I still need to put in the effort. But one day, I'll be able to look behind me, and let out a sigh of relief, seeing the progress I've made.